Portwenn Online
A Magical Cornish Village
Doc Martin is
Out of the Woods
Martin gets right into the dog's face and
loudly tells him to go away - several times.
When Mark asks Martin to be his best man
he simply says, "No", goes back into the
surgery and shuts the door, leaving Mark
bewildered on the porch.
On the Edge
While fixing the cut on the baker's hand he
tells him to quit whining and then to shush.
He sees Gavin standing in the doorway of
the consulting room and slams the door in
his face.
Martin uses Gavin's business card to wipe
bird poop off his suit jacket and then walks
into the surgery and slams the door, leaving
Gavin standing on the porch.
Martin tells Colonel Spencer (while
standing in the waiting room discussing the
choughs), "Unless you have a medical
problem, please leave."  (He DID say
When Pauline tells Martin that she is
leaving to go study nursing, he simply
says, "Goodbye."
Gavin visits Martin in the consulting room
and he is dismissive of everything he has
to say.  "What do you want?" "Just a chat."
"Then chat with the receptionist. I'm busy."  
"May I call you Martin?" "No."  "I  have a job

to do." "So do I."  "I urge you to help me to
help you." "Indeed. I'll get the door."
Martin directs a group of tourists off the cliff
if they follow his directions.
Martin encounters Gavin on the street and
calls him an "Untuous Platitudinizing Eunuch."
Martin angers the entire village by
distrupting the Pasty Eating Contest and
confiscating all of the pasties because he is
concerned that they might be contaminated.
Martin is totally dismissive and impatient at
the review panel meeting.
While giving Terry a shot, he tells him to
shut up.
Of All the Harbours in All the Towns
When Louisa tells Martin that she took the
surfing club because the kids said she was
too old, Martin should have realized that his
response should have been that she wasn't
too old to surf.  He just said that people of

all ages go surfing.  Louisa let it go by with
no reaction.
Born With a Shotgun
After giving Bert his diagnosis and a
prescription for his dizziness, Bert quizzes

him about boats and seasickness as they
are walking through the waiting room.  
Martin just says, "Go away."
Martin first tells Michael to stop whining,
and then when Michael tells Martin that
not only is the weed killer non toxic and
pet safe, but also biodegradable, Martin
tells him, "Shut up!"
While old Mr Newcross is lying on the
ground waiting for the ambulance, Martin
chastises him by saying, "Well, you've

given yourself a heart attack and lost
your granddaughter her job.  That's really
helpful, isn't it?"
Rude Martin
Blood is Thicker
Martin walks up to Pauline's desk, holds out
his hand, and says, "Flynt notes."  Pauline
says, "Hello.  How are you?  Having a nice
day?  I don't know why I bothered."  Martin
responds, "It's your job."
Cats and Sharks
When Mrs Dingley walks into the surgery to
see if Martin can look at her knee, Martin is
standing at Morwenna's desk on the
computer.  Mrs Dingley asks if they are

open and Martin replies, "The door's
unlocked.  Most people would take that as

a good indication."
City Slickers
Martin and Louisa are off to a somewhat
good start to their evening at her cottage
when they are interrupted by the Oakwood
family, who worm their way into staying for a
meal.  Martin tries to converse with both
halves of the couple, but he finally cannot
take any more and announces to Louisa

that he is leaving - using a very vague, and
frankly rubbish excuse.  She confronts him
the next morning, but he doesn't seem to
understand that leaving her to entertain

those horrible people on her own was rude.
After standing in the smoke of the burning
badger, Martin and Louisa walk up to the
door of her cottage.  Martin smells the

sleeve of his jacket and says he needs to
go home and change.  Louisa smells her
sweater and says that she does too - that

she stinks.  Martin simply says, "Yes.  
Goodbye"  Louisa looks crosseyed at him

as he walks away.  He just doesn't get it.
Sh*t Happens
When Martin has publicly said that the
town's water supply is probably
contaminated, Aunt Joan visits and tells him
that the villagers are preparing their
pitchforks.  Martin asks her how many
generations ago they started their
inbreeding?  In fact, he exhibits rude
behaviour in this whole situation, first
accusing the pool at the leisure center and
then the town's water supply with absolutely
no proof.
Always on My Mind
When Martin is called to the school to
retrieve a small fishbone from a student's
throat, he is obviously peeved at Louisa
because he has seen her with Danny so
much lately.  He gives her a lecture about
wasting his time, starting with, "Let me make

a couple of things clear for you Miss
When he is back at the school for Tricia's
fainting spell (the result of no lunch), he is
really peeved again and is very rude and
dismissive when Louisa asks him once

again to look at Tricia's hands.
Driving Mr McLynn
When Martin comes to the cottage to
attend to Louisa, he is in a very bad mood
because he feels she is trying to do too

much in the seventh month of her
pregnancy.  While you know that deep

down he is concerned about her and the
baby, it comes out as very angry.  He insults
her and suggests that the baby could be
handicapped or that Louisa might have a
miscarriage.  He also shouts at her that she
shouldn't expect any help from him.
As Martin is leaving the cottage, he runs
into Sally on her way in to see Louisa.  
She says that she was hoping to see him.  
As he quickly walks away, he shouts at her
to make an appointment.
Martin tells Stu MacKenzie that in the voting
for a new head for the school, he will only
support a candidate who is not pregnant.  

Stu tries to explain to him that his stance is
illegal, but Martin is adamant.
Martin runs into Mr Branning in town and Mr
Branning tells him that he was hoping to run
into him.  Martin rudely tells him that if he is

ill he needs to make an appointment.  
When he tells him it is about his refusal to
support Louisa for the school head job,
Martin is still adamant that she will not be

up to the job and taking care of a baby at
the same time.  Louisa walks around the
corner behind him and hears the insult.
Louisa interrupts Martin and Edith's work on
her article and Martin is not happy with her.  
After Louisa tells him off about his attitude
toward her pregnancy, she realizes that

Edith is sitting there.  Edith goes to leave
and Martin tries to get her to stay and says
that Miss Glasson isn't staying.  When Edith
leaves anyway, Martin thanks Louisa for
ruining his evening. As she leaves, he is
rewarded for his rudeness by being hit in

the forehead by the door.
Better the Devil
Martin is at the hospital and walks past an
old woman in a wheelchair trying to use a
vending machine.  She asks, "Would you

help me please?" and as he breezes by,
he gruffly says, "No."  A few minutes later,
he is walking past her again.  Now she is
on her feet taking her coffee from the
machine and Martin takes the wheelchair

from behind her and takes off to get
Barbara.  You just know that the woman is
going to sit back down expecting the
wheelchair to be right behind her!
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
While Martin has many reasons to not like
Mel as a childminder, he really is incredibly
rude to her during her medical exam.
After Mike has rearranged their kitchen
while babysitting James for the evening,
Martin tells Louisa that he was rationalizing
space and says, "Tidy house, tidy mind."  
Louisa counters that it WAS tidy and as
Martin is about to leave the bedroom, he
dismissively says, "Yeah."  He then bangs

his head on the doorframe.  Martin Clunes
has said that he does this to punish Martin
Ellingham when he is being unnecessarily
Although it appears that Martin wants the
dinner party to go smoothly (it seems like

he has planned some questions about
sporting events), the smell of alcohol on his
guests' breath as they enter the house puts
him in a mood that is not helped when they
immediately ask for more alcohol instead of
water or soft drinks.  He first tries to give
Karen a very small glass of wine and then
glares at Louisa, Karen and Dennis as they
toast with full wine glasses.  During dinner,

he tries not to let Karen add any salt to her
meal and when she asks for a refill of wine

he pours her water and later tries to move
the wine bottle out of reach.
The Tameness of a Wolf
Martin is taking Aunt Ruth out for her
birthday lunch, but she is concerned about
who left a birthday cake on her kitchen

table, since no one in the village knew it
was her birthday.  Martin tells her that it's
not unusual for women of her age to have
memory lapses and perhaps she told a
neighbor and then forgot.
As Robert is being taken away, Martin tells
Aunt Ruth that she needn't worry about him
again.  "By the time he gets out, you, you'll,
um...you, you'll have gone away."
Perish Together as Fools
When Martin hears a noise downstairs early
in the morning, he finds Sam in the waiting
room getting ready to paint.  The phone

rings, Martin answers it, and says, "Yes.  
Mr Routledge.  You're dying?  Really?  
You'd better be!"
When Pauline is finding that she can't bring
herself to paint out Sam's portrait of her,
Martin walks into the waiting room, which is

full with patients.  He grabs a bin bag and
goes from patient to patient, tearing the
magazines out of their hands and stuffing
them into the bin bag.
Happily Ever After
Roger asks Martin if he is really sure about
this wedding.  He says that a lot of people in
the village are surprised this is happening.  
Martin comes back with, "A lot of people in
this village are related to one another.  It
doesn't mean we have to listen to them,

does it?"
Going Bodmin
When the mover is finished and hands
Martin the receipt, he stands there for a
beat.  Martin sneers and asks if he's looking
for a tip and then asks if he tipped the
surgeon who stitched up his hernia.
Bert is trying to explain to Martin what he
meant when he said that Susan knows

Gilbert in the biblical sense when Martin
tells him to shut up.
Click photos to enlarge - click again to close
Gentlemen Prefer
Martin thinks that Pamela in the petrol
station is refusing service to him (like the
rest of the village) because of his firing of
Elaine.  He goes into a long tirade about

how he could refuse medical treatment to
her.  He paints a scenario by saying that

she could be having her fifth child in three
years while her boyfriend's rotting in prison
and when she calls him he will say that he
doesn't do births.
When Martin goes to the hospital to visit
Roger, he drops his keys off at the
receptionist's desk and tells her he's

parked in Mr Brownlow's spot.  She tries to
stop him and says, "You're a GP?" and he
responds, "And you're a receptionist."  

When she asks, "Is it me, or do you not
understand plain English?", his response

is, "It's you."
The Portwenn Effect
When his patient, Robin, asks for
antibiotics for his virus, Martin launches
into a soliloquy on why he won't prescribe
them in this instance.  The patient just

doesn't understand because Dr Sim used
to prescribe them all the time, but Martin
calls him a whinger and escorts him out of
the room.  One comical note is that the
patient gives a little cough as he walks out,
just to make a point..
While Martin has been very sensitive
throughout this episode to Mark's concerns
about his size, as he tosses his empty bottle
of "Big Boy" tablets back to him, he callously
says, "You'll get over it...big boy."
While removing the mole from Don's
temple, Martin is exasperated over the
questions about blood and appears to let

him feel some pain.
Storming out of the pub after being
pranked, Martin bursts between two people
talking and shouts, "Move it!" startling the
older woman.
Still smarting from the prank pulled on him
in the pub, Martin tells Louisa that,
obviously, nine year olds and nursery
teachers know more than him, so they

should take him to the hospital.
One of Martin's basic character traits is that he can be very rude at times.  
There are times that the rudeness seems to be deserved, so in putting these
together, I only show the times that I find him to be unnecessarily rude.